Manyuira(firstname.lastname@example.org)I know that by the time this letter reaches you, someone would have already committed a "fallacy" on you. Though am partly to blame, I can’t help cursing that foolish, ugly, hunger ravened boy masquerading as man on top of my only "daughter". Did I here that you have been seen with him again?...
I am sure you will not accuse me of not expressing my sagging love to you in this love thesis. I have taken the necessary precautions for the sake of our safety and for the “rose” flower we are building. Using the name daughter was not a mistake but rather a safety measure considering the way “pillow” has been insisting on emptying my contents something that has always been done by junior. Being a scholar there in KU I believe it won’t be hard for you to “see” darling,sweetie,babie,dear….. on the Jargon daughter.
I must apologize that my greetings a rather arriving late daughter. With all the harassment from your exams-that you told me on the other day- I have no choice but to admit it is unkind for me , considering the “empty pockets” have not been letting you embarrass them by hugging them in front of their girlfriends, though to my joy.
Your letter aroused a lot of emotions that I almost cried with love daughter. As “pillow” snored, I couldn’t help but re-read the letter again and again. For the first time I felt proud of you daughter. Your magazine cuttings reminded me of last holiday in naivasha and your perfume smelled Singapore.
Did you receive the parcel ? of course I know you liked the imported wig, the perfume and all the other assorted gifts dear. My friend was surprised that I imported them from Italy.
Of late the office has been boring with those skinny secretaries who vomits only Africanized English. The “womanish” feel that oozed when you were around is now a foretold dream. The congress speaker send me an email saying that he misses you. The gateman asked me of you’re whereabouts and I overheard the Tea girls-generously but with jealous- praising your beauty. Uncle Charlie was telling me of the hugs you used to give him while you were an intern at their place The bank manager from Lagos angered me when he said I was incomplete without you and that he had admired you for long. Anyway to make the long story short the people surrounding me are daily asking about you and I am surely missing you.
I hear Iron Lady has initiated a project of beautifying the Main Campus and that men have formed a group to fight for the rights of university male students. Is it true that even daughter’s of that land have initiated a project against men moral uprightness? These are bad news to me but when I join the senate everything will change. I can’t wait to see KU being a girls only university and prevent “empty pockets” from touching even the slit of your dress.
Meanwhile I am preparing for our vacation soon after you close for the long holiday. Prepare for the most modern romantic approach on you daughter and be sure I will not disappoint you.
I have deposited Ksh. 8000 in your account for use during examination and preparation for our trip. If possible send me your details for processing of the visa. I am doing my best to secure a presidential suite in one of the best motels in Seychelles.
I can’t wait to stroke your hair and fiddle you as you caress my rich tummy and my white beards.
I wish you well in your exam reminding you not to compromise by accepting advances from that “empty pocket” named lecturer. If anything don’t worry of your marks as your future is already determined whether you pass or not.
Prepare physiologically, philosophically, physcologically and physically. The Clip I sent you I believe will be of great help to you towards our holiday in Seychelles.
Yours Romantic-Energetic-Ever loving
Kisima wa juzi